Stop letting anger control you at work: 4 things you can do!
The rolling chair hit the back wall with a thud as she pushed away from her computer. “Okay, how am I supposed to do this?” Jane looked up surprised to see her co-worker standing over her. “First of all why would they take so long to get a person registered.” “That is ridiculous. Second, why would they put someone with no experience in this position? At my last job, this would never have been okay.” Jane, frozen in silence, said nothing, except to nod her head in agreement.
How many times have you gotten angry when a situation makes you look bad?
Anger occurs as a response to negative thoughts. Many times you may not be aware of your feelings. They can be hard to identify. You may feel hurt, frustrated, disrespected.
Anger can seem to occur without warning. Anger is an interesting emotion. Sometimes it is easy to know that you are feeling angry. Other times it can be hard to recognize.
In childhood, you learned when and how it was appropriate to express anger. As the saying goes, “Everything you needed to learn you learned in Kindergarten.” This goes for how you show anger. You learned not to hit your friends, not to yell at people. You most likely did not learn how to express anger in healthy, positive ways.
Are you suffering from anxiety?
Begin to Find Your Joy through Journaling
Do you experience Empathy?
An important factor that leads to a person being angry is a lack of empathy. According to the Oxford Dictionary, Empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of another. Studies have shown this can occur by two processes.
If you see a person in pain, you can feel the pain they are experiencing. This shared experience is due to seeing someone else in pain. Unfortunately, to acknowledge most emotions you have to learn to recognize them. The second step is to learn to understand why they are feeling the emotion.
The same facial expressions in different situations mean different things. A friend with a sad face sitting at a child’s graduation has one meaning. The same person with a sad face sitting at a funeral means something different.
Anger can occur when you have negative feelings and lack empathy.
How do you show others you are angry?
Most people express anger in a few ways. You may find yourself talking bad about a person. Your hands may be flying in the air or you are rolling your eyes. Loud breathing or sighing are other forms of showing anger without saying anything.
Talking about another person is an easy way to express anger. You may call them names, you may make humiliating comments or other put-downs. Bad-mouthing allows you to tear down the other person. By viewing the other person as bad or incompetent, you feel justified in your actions.
This may make you feel better and help with your anger.
Please don’t think it is not okay to be angry. You may feel anger is not an acceptable emotion. Anger is an emotion like any other. Identify how you experience it, acknowledge it, and express it.
How to express anger.
1. Focus on how you are feeling.
I want to encourage you to acknowledge when you feel angry. When your anger turns your words into a weapon to harm others, take notice.
2. It is important to identify why you are feeling angry.
Are you telling yourself what is happening is not your fault and is out of your control? Are you starting to feel bad about yourself and your own performance? Do you criticize others so your co-workers know it is not your fault?
3. What feelings are occurring in your body that can alert you that you are experiencing anger?
Are you feeling your muscles get tense? Are you rubbing your face or hands together? Are you starting to tap your foot or your pen? Do you have a desire to eat something?
4. It is okay to express your anger to co-workers.
Allow your co-worker to understand how you feel and help you work through your emotions. Anger can be hard to express. But it is important. I want to encourage you to say, "I am feeling angry." It is even more meaningful if you are able to say why you are feeling angry. "I am afraid others will think it is all my fault things are moving slow today."
Emotionally Fit Moms is about helping moms learn to give and receive love and support. My goal is to push you, challenge you, and help you manage your anxiety. If you know any other moms who could use some support please share this blog with them.
I appreciate your support.
I want to create material that is meaningful and helpful for you. If you have any questions or problems you are struggling with, please feel free to reach out to me hello@Kwinpax.com.
With love,
Nicole Gutierrez
The information provided through this blog is for educational and informational purposes only. By reading this blog, you agree not to use this as medical/psychiatric advice to treat any medical/psychiatric condition. By reading this blog it does not create a physician-patient relationship. Consult your own physician for any medical/psychiatric issues that you may be having. This entire disclaimer also applies to any guests or contributors to the blog. Under no circumstances shall Nicole Gutierrez MD, Kwinpax Behavioral Health PLLC, any guests or contributors to the blog, or any employees, associates, or affiliates of Kwinpax Behavioral Health PLLC be responsible for damages arising from the use of the blog.
